Day #3 (30 Day Blog Challenge)

Day #3 Describe your relationship with your parents.

OK, well let's start off with who my parents are. My biological mom is Sylvia & she passed away when I was younger. I was then adopted by her sister (Karen) My father is Curt. Sylvia passed away so there is no need to talk about that relationship or lack thereof . What can I say about my relationship with Karen. That relationship is beyond damaged. Broken. Torn. Terrible. Painful. Anything else (insert any negative word here). When I was younger I have some good memories but they are most def outweighed by bad ones. As I said in my Mother's Day post we don't have a relationship. I know for a fact that alot of that stems from me harboring resentment because she placed me in Foster Care. I couldn't understand how someone could give their child up. I still don't get that. That's bananas. People don't realize the foster care system is just like the jail system. At times even worst.

Nonetheless, I can't seem to please Karen no matter what I do. I can tell her I just accomplished running a 5 mile marathon & she will try and find the negative in it. Like for real. She has never celebrated me for anything that I have accomplished. I was the first one of her kids to get their own apartment. You think she came to my house. Guess what I lived in my apartment for over 3 years & she never came once. If you ask her she will say." You never invited me." Smh. Yet, she is quick to say family doesn't need invites to come to each other's house. LIES.

This is how she views me. A person who only comes around when I need her for something. Yet, in all my life I can count on two hands the things she's done for me. So that's another LIE. Oh, she says I'm going to HELL for my lifestyle. I'm sick. I'm a mess. The list can go on & on. Mind you none of my siblings that she have raised have accomplished anything so great. They work & that's about it. My brother who has his PhD is the only one she could say something to me about but then again she didn't raise him so oops..So that's our relationship in a nutshell.

My father. Hmm, well I didn't meet him until I was 17. I remember that day like yesterday. I was in a RTC called Leake & Watts (residential treatment center) at the time. I was on the floor playing around & one of my staff members said, " Your father is on the phone." I laughed out loud. I thought she was playing. I kept doing what I was doing. She told me again he was on the phone. I went to the phone & was like, "Hello, who this?" In my stop playing with me voice. "It's your father."  he said. I was kinda taken aback. I don't remember him in my childhood & had honestly never heard of dude. (No disrespect pops.) Anyways, he seemed cool & we talked for a lil while & then life went on. I met him a while after that. I learned that  I had a brother & a host of other family members waiting to meet me. Or at least that's what he said lmao. That could've been a lie.  I wasn't to excited about having another family. That's because my experience with my mom's side of the family was dysfunctional on every level.

 My dad & I have a weird relationship. I know he loves me & I love him. That is true. Yet, I guess I resent him as well. That seems to be the common theme in both my parents. I just feel like where was he during my childhood. I don't know exactly what he told me was his reason for not being around but is any reason legit? In respect to him he does try to be in my life. He isn't perfect but he does call & ask about what's going on in my life and shows interest. That's way more than my moms. The other thing that used to hurt is the fact that he never ever sent me a birthday card. Shit to this day I don't have one. Oh well, that's life right?

I think the only thing that we don't see eye to eye on is my lifestyle. Most black parents are that way. It's really frustrating that my dad nor mom accept my transition & I think that's why I don't really mesh with them like that. I shouldn't have to be anyone but who I choose to be around my parents or family for that matter. I have to accept they may never love me the way I think or be able to give me what I need. The time that has been lost is crucial but life goes on.....